I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
