Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
