Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
