Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
