I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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