I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
