Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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