and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
