i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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