I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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