i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
