It's like God shit irony all over that family
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize