she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
