he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize