So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
