That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
