Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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