i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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