I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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