Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
