; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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