What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
should my penis look like a turkey
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
