is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
