he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
