Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
