hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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