If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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