dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize