i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
