I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize