I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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