Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
