I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
