Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
