Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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