I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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