I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
