I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
