I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize