I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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