I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You pole danced in your parka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
