didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
