He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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