her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
