i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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