i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
