You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
