a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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