Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
