It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize