we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
