So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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