Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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