just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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