True but thats because hes a fetus.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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