Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
