he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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