Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
