you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
