I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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