Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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