4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
