Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize