I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
