How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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