why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nutella sex= disaster
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
