Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
