We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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