Me too!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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