I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
