I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
