When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize