I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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