His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
