I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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