Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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