Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize