Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
