She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
