waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
