My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
