I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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